Perfectionism and its Imperfections
Today the irony is rampant. First, the fact that perfectionism has so many imperfections and problems. Second, when sitting down to write this blog, perfectionism in its many forms rears its head and almost dooms the blog before I begin. How can I get it perfect? The answer is I can’t. I am uncomfortable with that statement. It is easy to say but hard to embrace. Accepting that I may never be perfect causes anxiety and stress to take over and tries to shut me down. I have come a long way in dealing with this old enemy of mine, and I thought I would share some of the things I have learned. Did you know that perfectionism is many times broken into three types? The first type is self-oriented. This type sets high expectations for themselves and demands perfection of themselves. The second type is other-oriented. They have high standards for themselves but also expect perfection from others which can lead to frustration when they can’t live up to these standards they have set. The third type is socially prescribed. This type sets a standard they feel should meet and project socially. Social media thrives on this perfectionism. As I first learned of these types, I immediately saw myself in two kinds, self-oriented and socially prescribed. The first one I began working on was the latter. I was tired of living to make sure my flaws didn’t show. It was exhausting. I began to unmask and found freedom in abandoning the need to appear perfect. I also found so much grace and understanding from others which I never expected. This website and blog grew from this attempt. I am passionate now about being honest about my struggles. I have found that sharing my true self leads others to share. I love getting to know people for who they are and not what they project. The last type I struggle with is self-oriented, which I still struggle with and probably always will. Part of the perfectionism I deal with is being too goal-oriented, and I wanted to mark off a list that I achieved by coping with it. I can never mark it off as done. Learning to live with that is constant therapy internally. I have learned a few things about myself that help and want to share in hopes that they may be helpful to someone. Here are the three things I try to remember when beginning a project (when I struggle the most).
Don’t procrastinate. Just begin. Focus on the project instead of the result of the project. Remember and restate your purpose for the project, and I guarantee it is not dependent on it being perfect. You will never finish if you don’t start. Fight the urge to shut down or wait until the “perfect “ time to start.
Spread your focus around. When I begin a project, I tend to immerse myself. This may be fine for some people, but for me, it causes me to notice and focus more and more on imperfections. Time away from the project helps me remember the big picture, not the details.
Set time limits and boundaries. Giving myself boundaries, such as time limits, amounts, or rewrites, is crucial to completing a project. I have to guard myself against crossing over and losing track of purpose.
I hope you found something helpful today. This blog almost didn’t happen due to my need to feel it was perfect. But my blog is a reflection of me; I am not perfect, and I am learning that is fine.
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